Jewel

I've been listening to a lot of Jewel lately...and I know it's a scene, but I love her and can really relate to a lot of her songs on "Pieces of You." This is bad, haha.

I really love Foolish Games these days....I keep singing it over and over again. I really can relate to that right now.

But also to I'm Sensitive, which is a scene of a song...and I hate to admit it, but I'm sensitive...really sensitive...and yeah...that's my song...to Amanda. I'm going to tell her what I think today or some time soon. I can't live with her and still feel this way. I'm dreading moving into my apartment so much and that can't be right.

I was thinking that I might fly today
Just to disprove all the things you say
It doesn't take a talent to be mean
Your words can crush things that are unseen
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
You always tell me that is impossible
To be respected and be a girl
Why's it gotta be so complicated?
Why you gotta tell me if I'm hated?
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
I was thinking that it might do some good
If we robbed the cynics and took all their food
That way what they believe will have taken place
And we can give it to people who have some faith
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
I have this theory that if we're told we're bad
Then that's the only idea we'll ever have
But maybe if we are surrounded in beauty
Someday we will become what we see
'Cause anyone can start a conflict
it's harder yet to disregard it
I'd rather see the world from another angle
We are everyday angels
Be careful with me 'cause I'd like to stay that way

Rest in Peace, Florida Grandma

You are so beautiful. I love you. I hope that you are happy now. I really hate thinking about this. She's always been in so far away....I'm in denial that she's even gone.

I'm not crazy

I need to give myself more credit. Many of the things I think are often correct.

So in regards to that last entry, I'm correct.

I don't know if Amanda hates me, but she treats me like shit.

And she knows she treats me like shit. She's told other people that she's aware she does this.

I don't want to do deal with it anymore. It makes me sad mostly.

But it also makes me angry.

I have self-confidence issues, but overall I like who I am.

I like that I'm sentimental. I like that I see the good in people and give people chances.

If she's going to be that way, I don't have to treat her nicely.

Problem is, we're living together. I guess I'll just really separate myself from her. Last year, I thought we were in it together. Now that I know we're not, I can try to fend for myself.

It actually really depresses me when I think about it. But now I know that I have to accept that the mentality has changed.

" It's just that I feel stranded. And I thought the whole point was that we wouldn't feel stranded. I thought the point was we were all in this together" -The Heidi Chronicles

I know I'm mostly crazy, but half the time I feel that Amanda hates me. Perhaps hate is too strong of a word...let's change it to doesn't respect or take me seriously.

I don't know. It makes me violent.

But sometimes I can understand why she would feel that way if she does.

And when it comes to the heart of it, it makes me sad. We were supposed to be in all this together. At least I thought we did anyway. Now I just feel like a nuisance to her.

I hope this is mostly in my head.

I wish

I wish my grandma still wanted to live so that she could've fought off this sickness. I know she could've survived longer if she just tried. But this is what she wants. She wants to go. So I guess that's less sad.

I bought her sunflowers. My dad's flying down to Florida tomorrow to see her and he'll give her them. I just wish I could see her one more time, but my family isn't having the best financial times as of late. I just want her to know that I love her. Damn emotions.

I'd swim across lake Michigan
I'd sell my shoes
I'd give my body to be back again
In the rest of the room

To be alone with you
To be alone with you
To be alone with you
To be alone with you

You gave your body to the lonely
They took your clothes
You gave up a wife and a family
You gave your goals

To be alone with me
To be alone with me
To be alone with me
You went up on a tree

To be alone with me you went up on the tree

I'll never know the man who loved me