opportunities

The wrong opportunities

I'm always disappointed when life presents me with opportunities and they fall through. I think that's a universal human feeling. Just a few weeks ago, I was slightly overwhelmed by attention from males. It was ridiculous to me...just about any guy I've had interactions with in the past few months all decided to talk to me at the same time. And it felt awesome. It also freaked me out and I couldn't concentrate on much else. But most importantly to me, two guys in particular were around and they seemed like great opportunities for dating. One being my ex who I hadn't talked to in months and a new guy who I had met about twice. Granted, I had many more feelings for my ex. No brainer. But he didn't want to date me. And that devastated me. Wish I was being dramatic. He just wanted to see me when it was convenient for me...and still get the benefits of being my boy friend (if you know what I'm saying) without the commitment. Douche bag. I still really liked him when we were apart, but I finally realize he's not worth it now. Long story short, I honestly don't care about him anymore. Sure, I might think about him sometimes, but not like I used to in which I still liked him and wanted to see him. I know now he's not good for me at all.

Moving on, opportunity number 2. I'm not in love with him or anything. But I like him and I just wanted to hang out with him more. I realize I was putting a lot of pressure on my relationship with him and I know that's because I just want a relationship. Moreover, I think I'm just upset that this is a lost opportunity. He's doing a million auditions for television and applying for jobs and so he's probably going to move to a different state...soon...maybe even less than a month.
So I'm not sad for losing him. I barely know him. But I'm sad for losing the potential.

And I'm trying to convince myself that these men were the wrong opportunities. Granted I know my ex was a poor decision after discovering what he wanted, but the second guy could have worked out. And I am sad that I'm winding up with no one after all that potential. But it was bad potential...or at least it wasn't meant to work out. I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. So why did I even know the second guy? Was it an ego booster? I think I'm trying to think of him as a way to get over my ex. In moments of weakness, I considered seeing him still because I liked him that much, but because of the opportunities of the other guy, I felt stupid even trying. It's like this guy was hope that there are others out there. That's why it sucks that he has to go away so quickly before anything could have worked out, but whatever.

What will happen will happen no matter how much I feel. I can't be upset about him because I can't control him. And there are other options. There are other guys out there. Guys I'm sure I'll even treasure more.

I hope so anyway. I'm going to try to stay positive on this one.