be at peace

This day started off badly, but I feel much better now.


I talked to my boss for a long time about God. He always makes me feel at rest and have a better understanding. Ultimately, I understood that God isn't angry at us. God wants us to leave church and "Go with peace." He summarized this sentiment in terms of "I'm not okay. You're not okay. But it's okay." It's okay. It's all going to be fine. We also talked about how rainbows symbolize peace: for instance, this can be found in the rainbow after the flood and Noah's arc. All day I had been listening to The Rainbow Connection because the Muppets make me feel better. It had been overcast and unpleasantly raining all day. I looked past my boss outside the window over the city before I was leaving work and after we had discussed everything...in a blurred vision, I thought I saw a rainbow, but moreover I knew there was one. I just knew it. And sure enough there was a gorgeous rainbow arch covering half of the sky! I just felt that was very amazing and not merely coincidental. I felt at peace. I also felt happy walking home.


I do not know what the future holds. I do not know what's in store for me or the rest of the world. I do know that I will suffer hardships, but I know that it will all be okay. God will be suffering the hardships with me. And He's not mad at me. In fact, he's forgiven me before I was even born for all the sins I have and will commit.

Sorry this entry turned very religious. I just wanted to say that no matter what happens, it is very important to feel at peace and to believe in yourself. God wants that, and that is what's best for us. And if you're not religious or spiritual in any way, but have a little childish gleam in the heart maybe you can learn this peaceful attitude from the Muppets.

kindess

I can already tell that today is going to be an emotional day, but in a positive way. I think it's the kind of day were my eyes start to swell up because I just think of all the beauty in this world. And that sounds incredibly stupid and cheesy, but it's how I feel sometimes. I think worrying and fear often shrouds me in pain. I don't want to be wandering around in the darkness of uncertainty.

I'm not sure what lies ahead of me, but I know it's ultimately going to be good. I know everything will be fine. And I think whenever I'm afraid and confused, I'm going to turn to kindness. Kindness is something that always makes me feel good inside. I think it is one of the most beautiful things human beings have to offer each other, genuine kindness. Perhaps I want to be kind to people because when someone is like that to me, I just feel so much warmth on the inside. In any case, it's something I want to constantly try to strive for.

Maybe that's one of the reasons I love The Green Mile so much...the kindness of John Coffey is magical and goes beyond human reasoning. Now I want to finish the book and watch the movie again, haha.

"You tell God the Father it was a kindness you done. I know you hurtin' and worryin', I can feel it on you, but you oughta quit on it now. Because I want it over and done. I do. I'm tired, boss. Tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with, or tell me where we's coming from or going to, or why. Mostly I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world everyday. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head all the time. Can you understand?" -The Green Mile

"He kill them wi' their love. Wi' their love fo' each other. That's how it is, every day, all over the world."